I moved from San Jose, California to Gig Harbor, Washington the Summer of 2016 where, in contrast to 360 days of sunshine per year, there are on average only 145. Though the Pacific Northwest (PNW) summers are indescribably and perfectly beautiful, the winter months can be indescribably and predictably dreary for weeks on end.

Frequently, I mentioned symptoms of winter depression to my doctor and with each visit, she would give me a virtual pat on the head by saying, “Welcome to the PNW.” Then she would prescribe two medications – exercise and Vitamin D.

In time, the combination of exercise, Vitamin D, and finding sunshine become my mind and body’s perfect medicine. Then, in the fall of 2019, when my youngest son left home, I began having feelings of overwhelming fear. Fear of loss of those I loved most, fear of my decision-making processes, and fear of just about everything.

During two mini getaways to find sunshine, I walked, prayed, and focused on trying to identify where the heck the fear was rooted. As journaling is an amazingly clarifying exercise in self-reflection, I began writing. A lot.

As I wrote, I began thinking and writing about past relocations and adventures as well as the unique people I had encountered or read about along the way, especially those who had fearlessly-ish re-invented themselves, often daily, to become the heroes of their story. I thought of the women who had caused me to wonder, wander, and be curiously inspired by their ability to make hard choices with ease. Choices inspired by their Creator and carried out by their calculated thought and good reason. Religious or not, these women seemed to have an internal understanding of the intent of the Bible verse in John 5, “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, bears much fruit.” These women were bearing a unique fruit, their own hybrid.

What was the difference in me, stifled by fear, and the myriads of other women who seemed to transition from life event to life event with fortitude and ease?

Upon returning from my mini getaways I began reaching out on Meetup.com to find inspiration through organized women’s groups. I searched for groups of women who had left their careers to raise families and were considering re-entering the workforce, and women’s educational and travel groups. I wanted to put myself among women who were pressing through fear and doubt to follow their natural interests and talents.

After connecting with various groups in person and via Zoom, I found a few that seemed to suit my interests, personality, and style. Zoom offered a platform to practice being vulnerable with others which somehow lessened my feelings of fear.

I now meet regularly with various women and co-ed groups including local authors and writers, bloggers, and web developers, as well as a group learning to play the ukulele. Yep, the ukulele. Because a guitar will not fit in my carry on.

“Fear is the only thing in the world that gets smaller as you run toward it.” – Tiamo de Vettori